Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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