what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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