When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
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