I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
