i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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