hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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