Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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