6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
