i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
