I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
