I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
