So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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