so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
