pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
