I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I touched a dick in church today
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
