She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
