Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
