On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
