Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
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