I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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