I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
