he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
he was CRYING into my vagina
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
