Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
