My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
