I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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