gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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