Quick, to the slutcave!
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Too much gin, very little bucket
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
