420 ftw
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
