I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
