Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
