So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
