Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
