walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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