btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
