When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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