I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
