I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
