There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
