he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
