If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
