I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
