I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Randomize
