I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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