5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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