chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
