This dress was meant to end up on your floor
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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