dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I could make wine with my vomit
i wish my penis had a tongue
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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