walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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