That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
