It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
