Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
