Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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